Fear

My devotional today was on fear, and it made me realize, much of my struggles recently are rooted in fear. As most working moms, I struggle with guilt and frustration at trying to balance it all. I hear about my friends who stay at home and sometimes worry about what I'm missing out on. I want to be very clear- I do not disagree or judge SAHM (stay at home moms), WAHM (working at home moms), or working moms, I think we all do what is best for us and our family, but I think there is an element of guilt associated with whatever your decision is. But I think at an even deeper level, there is an element of fear (at least for me). Fear that you made the wrong decision, fear that your child won't turn out "right", fear that you will miss big events (either in your child's life, or what you could have accomplished at work), fear that no one really supports, agrees, or understands you- and what that means about you. I mean if no one understands you, how will they accept/know the "real" you, and how can they support something they don't understand. My biggest fear: failure, in any and every realm. Failing as a mom, failing as a professional, failing as a doctor, failing as a wife, failing as a friend, daughter, sister, lover. But the bottom line is that as women, we always have many roles- too many, and it is impossible to succeed at all of them. And yet we continue to try, and struggle, to do them all. Chances are we will have to let some of them go, our jobs, the perfect house, the beautiful garden, our training for a marathon- something, and yet the trade off is totally worth it: succeeding in the areas that do matter to us, even if it is minor successes, I do believe our hard work will pay off. Regardless, I believe God has called us to be fearless, not fearful. "For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind." 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV)

Some would say fear is a great motivator, which may be true, but I think an even more powerful motivator is a spirit of power, love, and sound mind. I will probably always struggle with fear and worry (I am a female AND a mom), but I'm going to try and remember God has given me a spirit of power, love, and sound mind- and lean on him to help me cultivate these spirits! After all, I think that is the kind of wife, mom, doctor, professional, friend, sister, lover, I'm supposed to be, and everyone deserves.