Dear BJ and Anika

It's been a hard day in a hard week, in a somewhat difficult season in our lives. I don't say that so everyone will tell me I'm doing hard important work and doing a great job at it, I just say it because it is.  And in so many ways, I am ready for our sweet Jesus to come and carry us away in paradise.  But because I don't know when that will happen, I need my kids to know, always and forever, that I am fiercely in love with them

BJ and Anika,

I am fiercely in love with you.  Always, no matter what.  I don't care what choices you make, where you go in life, or what you think of me, but I will always always love you.  Anika, you talked today about that "Mommy will never let us get hurt."  I so wish that was true, bug.  I wish I had the capability to shield you from hurts- both physical, emotional, and spritirual, but I don't.  Yes, I will always do everything in my power to protect you and your brother, but it's not all in my power. (And we all know I love to control everything :))  Truth is, you may get hurt, as we live in a fallen, unperfect world.  But just as equally true is that I will always be there for you, rooting you on, kissing your owies, and holding you while you cry, whether I'm there physically or not.  And even more so, Jesus, the Lover of our souls will never let you down.  We don't always understand the plan out there (sometimes it is so confusing) but I truly believe He will never let us down.  And even though I've made so many mistakes today, and have thousands more to make as life goes on, God never never makes mistakes.  He didn't make a mistake in making you, in placing you in my arms to care for, in the plan He has for your life and our family, and in His plans for calling you back to Himself.  His ways are perfect.  I will continue to love you, nuture you, laugh with you, dance with you, pray for you the best that I know how.  Never doubt that, never doubt my love for you.  And even more, know that when I mess up, your Heavenly Father will never mess up, and much more so- He is always waiting for you to run up, call Him Daddy, and fall into His outstretched arms.  I  love you, always and forever.

XOXOXO
Mommy